Lilian Gandelman is a fighter with both determination and charm. And she calls it like it is. She has already packed a lot into her 46 years.
The lawyer from Brazil, who also navigates life in Israel as an amputee, is on a personal mission to educate and change attitudes – one Israeli at a time.
During our interview at the busy Lachmanina café (Habima branch) in Tel Aviv, the man behind the counter taking her order handed her a packet of butter and a packet of jelly to go with her croissant and cappuccino. “Can you put them on a tray?” she asked. “I walk with crutches, and can’t hold them.”
She told me later, “People need to be trained to behave. He doesn’t see I have crutches? He should have offered to bring it to my table. People in workplaces, restaurants, public trains, in the public and private sectors, need to be trained. We need to invest money in training!”
Gandelman is certainly doing her part to change Israeli society.
She had a happy childhood in Brazil, where she lived with her parents and a brother who is eight years older. She attended a Jewish day school, did ballet, acted, and enjoyed riding a bike. At age nine, while riding her new bike, she noticed swelling on her right leg. She showed it first to her parents and to her uncle, who is a doctor.
“Within a week, I was seeing oncologists and having surgery,” she recounted.
There was no treatment for her rare type of cancer in Brazil, so she spent the next year in New York receiving treatment at the world-famous Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.
Gandelman recalled the letters and pictures she received from her school friends and the support of the Jewish community.
She ultimately had 15 surgeries and spent five years traveling back and forth to New York – until she was eventually deemed to be cancer-free at age 12. “I wanted to enjoy life.” She still remembers how her school chartered a bus to meet her at the airport when she returned to Brazil from New York for the final time.
At age 15, she received news that there was a recurrence of cancer in her leg and it required amputation. “It didn’t work much, but still, it was traumatic [to lose it]. But I got used to it,” she said, as part of what she described as her process of self-acceptance.
For rehab, she embraced swimming and water polo – even training to be a Paralympic Games swimmer. And to continue moving toward greater independence, she spent four months on her own studying English in England.
Following another setback, with additional spreading and more surgeries – bringing the total to 31 between the ages of nine and 20 – she pursued her dream: to study dentistry.
After three years and not loving the clinical internships, she switched tracks to study law. “I connected because I am a person who wants to make justice in the world always!”
Gandelman worked in various law firms as a tax lawyer and with mergers and acquisitions. She then pursued a master’s degree in environmental law and sustainability and worked for eight years on various infrastructure projects in the oil and gas industry.
Finding a home in Israel
As her job and a relationship were drawing to a close, she said, “I wanted a new chapter, a new season.” This contributed to her decision to make aliyah – even though she had never visited Israel before.
Part of the reason for never visiting Israel, she explained, was that most Israel trips and programs involved hiking and a lot of walking, a true challenge for someone who now navigates Israel with crutches and a motorized scooter. “I had vacations in Europe but never came to Israel – I was kind of mad and began to think that Israel didn’t want me.”
Gandelman was determined. “I wanted to experience something new and different, and I had the courage. The world is huge, but this is truly the only place I could go to live. I had this idea, but I had never come before.”
Gandelman approached the Jewish Agency in Brazil. They said, “We will help you, but we need to learn with you. We never helped someone with a disability.” She acknowledged, “They were a bit lost. “I told them I wanted a new chapter and to be a full and independent woman.”
The agency thought an absorption center in Kiryat Yam would be the best place for her to start her aliyah experience.
“They thought I would be most successful there. It was not true. The elevators were always broken, and the bathrooms always flooded.”
She spent three months there before doing stints in Ramat Gan and Givatayim. She conceded that the experience was difficult. “Despite being courageous, it would have been easier if I had been here before and knew the place better!”
While adjusting to life in Israel, getting around and managing in Hebrew were challenging, Gandelman felt she came to Israel fairly confident and accepting of her physical condition. She took jobs in customer service, first at El Al, then in a call center providing remote customer service to people in Brazil. “I felt like a full and complete woman with a high degree of self-acceptance,” she said.
That all began to unravel in Israel. “People stared. They asked how it happened. I lost it. I was very depressed and didn’t have the language to answer. It was a long and hard journey.”
Gandelman has learned a lot these past 10 years. “It is a country traumatized and with daily pressures – maybe this explains the behavior. I got used to the mentality. I learned how to answer people.”
When curious, sometimes well-meaning Israeli strangers ask about her leg, she offers various replies. “It is not your business.” “It is a very long story – let’s talk later.” Or, she said, “I fake deafness!”
While she still gets frustrated sometimes with the very forward questions she gets about her missing left leg, she loves Israel and especially her home town of Tel Aviv. “I think Tel Aviv is open to people with disabilities. There is space here for everyone.”
She loves living close to the sea, which she regularly enjoys. “I like to enjoy the beach, swimming in the sea and watching sunsets.”
She added, “Even though people complain about Israel, it is hectic, and there is a war, this is my land and my home!”
And when she leaves Israel, she misses it. “Five years ago, I was in Brazil and was thinking about what is happening in Israel. I realized that my mind is here. I love Friday mornings. I wanted to be there in Tel Aviv coffee shops.”
Gandelman continues to learn Hebrew in two classes at Ulpan Lilienblum 7 – The Hebrew Boutique in Neveh Tzedek. “Invest in Hebrew,” she recommended. “You will need the language. Don’t be ashamed to talk. You need to leave your comfort zone.”
She has made friends, attributing this in part to her “talkative personality.” She added, “I talk to everyone.”
She has found mentors and supporters like Avner Stepak, chairman of Meitav Investment House, who has been a champion of disabilities and inclusion. And she is pleased that her parents followed her lead in making aliyah.
“My father is a super Zionist, and my mother didn’t want to come – but she agreed. They have been married for 56 years!” She noted that the compromise is that her mother spends three months a year in Brazil.
She concluded, “I love that feeling of belonging, that Israel is home – despite all the headaches!”■
Lilian Gandelman, 46
From Rio de Janeiro
to Tel Aviv, 2016